Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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