some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
