So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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