All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I want to fling myself into the sun
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
