I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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