ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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