Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
