there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
