btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
