i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
