Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
