I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
