we're chasing vodka with high fives
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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