How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
