ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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