Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I wish you could order shots online.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
