Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize