I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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