I'm eating all of the evidence.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
So. Much. Porn.
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