if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
