Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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