Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
no, he came in my armpit
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize