That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize