I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
