i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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