you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
