when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
