in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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