Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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