i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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