Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It's no shave November. This is our time.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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