You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
We got so high we made milksteak
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
