Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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