threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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