hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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