I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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