I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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