bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
