ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
