My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
