fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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