Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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