thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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