so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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