I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
