Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
