if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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