sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
