it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
