Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize