You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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