Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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