she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
