how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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