Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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