Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize