# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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