the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize