so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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