I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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