i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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