chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
