hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize