do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
