A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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