id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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