exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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