Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
