Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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