Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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