Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
