I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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