he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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