My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
