that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
