i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
