the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
