He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
