I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize