You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
