sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
