Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize