She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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