she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
