I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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