There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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