Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
