tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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