my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
