i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
