I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize